Change

So it has been a loooong time since I wrote here. But my friend Chris has inspired me to come back and write again. 

Life has changed so much in  the past few years. I am no longer living in southern Alberta with my partner. We separated over 5 years ago, although we remain good friends. My son is no longer a short drive away but lives on Vancouver Island. It makes for great holidays but often the distance is difficult. I have moved back to Edmonton and left lawns and gardens behind and now work in the queer communities that I love every day. It is difficult and rewarding work but I love it! My pack of four dogs is now only my beautiful pair of Pembroke Welsh Corgis, Ringo and George. Change...the only consistent thing in life.

I often think about those moments first thing in the morning when I open my eyes, stretch and find my face covered in puppy kisses. My mind is clear, not yet muddied by the day and I haven’t yet had a thought about what’s happening in my life. Everything is ok, normal and life is good even if it's not quite how I dreamed it would be… And then I wake up. And it's there and real.

I was diagnosed with early stage lung cancer eight weeks ago. By sheer luck, the spot in my lung was discovered in an x-ray when I was being treated for chronic sinus and lung infection. For most of the past 2 years I was monitored with no change. I suspected something based on the call I received from my GPs office after my scan this past June. But you are never ready really. In a 20 minute appointment with my pulmonologist ion July 11th, my life, my future, all changed. This scan detected that the spot was now solid and had grown slightly. I was being immediately referred to a thoracic oncology surgeon. That was just weeks ago. Surgery is scheduled for 13 weeks and 4 days from today. Maybe I should have had it sooner but this works out better for family, supports and work too. My decision.

But cancer is not bigger than my life. I am still young and healthy. Yes, it can create a mountainous challenge. It can make people uncomfortable, unable to look the truth in the eye. But it cannot overshadow love or hope. Nor can it silence courage or quench my spirit. It can push me to my limits but it cannot steal my heart. It doesn't define me.

So much change.